3 Stages of Abuse Ep #15

Welcome to the introductory episode of our enlightening series, "3 Stages of Abuse." In this installment, we embark on a profound journey through the intricacies of abusive dynamics, laying the foundation for a comprehensive exploration of the three distinct stages that will unfold in the next three episodes.

Our focus begins with the powerful F.E.U.D.S acronym, unraveling the layers of Fear, Excuses, Unaccountability, Denial, and Shut Down. This episode serves as a gateway into the depths of Stage 1, setting the stage for an in-depth analysis that will follow in the upcoming episodes.

As we progress, anticipate delving into Stage 2 with the resonant acronym L.I.M.B.O, where Loss, Individuality, Me, Better, and Other become focal points in understanding the profound impact of abuse. We will dissect each element, providing insights and perspectives to foster a deeper understanding.

Finally, our journey culminates in Stage 3 - U.F.W.A., the stage of UnFuckWithAble. This episode will serve as a beacon of hope, exploring resilience and empowerment as we navigate the path towards healing and freedom from the cycle of abuse.

Stay tuned for the next three episodes, each dedicated to a specific stage, as we unravel the layers, share stories, and offer guidance for those seeking understanding, courage, and a transformative path forward. Join us on this transformative exploration of the 3 Stages of Abuse.

If you find yourself resonating with any of the stages discussed in this series and are seeking guidance, support, or coaching, don't hesitate to reach out. I am here to provide a helping hand on your journey towards healing and empowerment. Contact me for personalized coaching sessions tailored to navigate the challenges of these stages and embark on a transformative path forward. You are not alone – reach out today for the support you deserve.

Transcript

Okay. Here we go. Hello. And welcome to talking sassy about abuse, amplifying women's voices.  I am your host, SASSI, Christine,  cold, sun in my eyes, all kinds of distractions and delays and.  I'm here and you're here.  So, you know, as always, thank you. Thank you for being here.

I appreciate you guys so much for being here, bearing with me, being cold with me, sending your, your love and your warmth appreciated very, very much. , let's see. I made notes this week. Again, I'm going to make sure I don't miss anything. So.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for the shares.

Thank you for the follows. Thank you for the support. You know, that means so much to that woman that can't afford my coaching. Um, that, you know, we can reach everybody possible. thank you for all that. Sorry about the drape. It's to block the sun.  I'm recording on a Saturday. It is, what time is it?

It is 12:39. Okay. 12:39.  Come on angels. Be with me.   thank you for the support. Thank you for the follow. Thank you for the subscribe. Hit that button. You guys know what to do. This isn't your first podcast listening to I'm sure, but I'm sure it's really the first one that's different. I hope.  So where am I?

So before we get into the three stages, that's why you're here. Three stages of abuse. I got my acronyms ready to go and I got to stay pumped. Keep this blood flowing. Keep my toes warm. My fingers warm. My voice. Oh yeah. Look, my voice is back a little bit, still a little bit of a cough, but getting over it.

The cold is making my nose run. That's okay. I have to go pee.  Um, but the cold does that. But I'm here because I'm committed to bringing you guys information and knowledge and help you learn and grow and heal from all this bullshit we went through. Right. Um, I hope you guys know I'm right there with you.

I'm still healing, learning. Oh my gosh. Have I learned so much this past week? I have talked to so many women  that have helped me. Learn more and grow and be able to bring all that information to you. 

Schedule changed. Recording on Saturday. I will release on Tuesday. If you are a member of my subscription service, my membership group on Facebook, you will get the release late Sunday, early Monday, along with exclusive content and trainings.

In that group, in that private group. And by the way, guys, it's only a dollar 99 a month that will go up because I have so much stuff in the works. So many things in the works. Um, but a dollar 99 right now, it helps support. There's so many women out there. I can't tell you how many women need my, my coaching, my knowledge.

And I trained. You know, give as much here as possible. Um, but Hey, I got bills to pay to guys. Um, and I, I, I, I not only for me, but you know, it is for that, that one woman, that one man that wants to better themselves and get to a better place and start their healing journey.  So that's club sassy, dollar 99 a month. 

Thank you to those of you that have already subscribed. Um, I've got big plans in the works for there.  The link, depending on where you're listening and watching this from, the link is always on my Buzzsprout website page.  it, it does say subscription page, right? There's a support, buy me a coffee. Um, I love you guys.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  So, have I covered everything? God, I hope I have. Alright, I am cold. My toesies are cold. My nose is cold. But, three stages of abuse. And I have discovered, along the way, I'm just flipping the pages here. That there are three stages and we don't realize that we're going through them that we're in them.

 because we,  as we're going through them, we don't realize it. So, it's not until you can take that step back farther along in your healing and learning journey.  That you realize, Oh yeah. So I'm going to go deep into all three stages,  three new acronyms. I'm so excited about it. This was gifted to me from my angels, my guides, um,  did today's episode.

We're going to touch a little bit on it. I'm going to share with you those, those three stages, what they look like. I'm going to give you the acronyms. I will, you know, a little teaser, but I will give you those acronyms today. This episode, um, and then for the next 3 weeks, we're going to hit stage 1 stage 2 and stage 3 and what I've been discovering over these past few weeks and the women that I'm talking to trying to find guests to come on is that, um, there's a crossover and there's an in between that.

You're not. Fully out of one stage as you're in stage two and you're not fully in stage three While you're and you're still in stage two. Anyway, we're gonna get into that. So  This may be short. I don't know, you know, the guides aren't aren't cooperating. I got the wind blowing It is I'll tell you how cold it is here in Tennessee I gotta take off my glove look at my phone and my radar says that it is currently  36 degrees, 36 degrees.

What a low tonight going down to 28 degrees and that's Fahrenheit. I know you guys are listening in other parts of the country and I appreciate shout out to you guys. I love you. Thank you very much. Come on camera. Come on wind.  Come on sunscreen.  And it's really just a makeshift, um,  tablecloth that I put up there to try and stop the sun from blinding my eyes.

I know you want to see my beautiful face. Um,  so 36 degrees, what'd I say? 36, 34, something like that. Um, three stages of abuse. All right.  Let me get my glove back on.  Come on guys, work with me here.  All right, we'll move the camera a little bit.  How's that? Okay, stage one. I call feuds. F E U D S. Feuds. Okay, and if you think about it, it's kind of what you're in.

You're, you're always arguing it's maybe it doesn't start out complete physical abuse. Remember, we talked about the five main categories of abuse. I know that.  That there's other  subcategories and that's what I call them. There's subcategories. Cause when you get into the financial and we talked about this on that episode previously, um, the five, five types of abuse, there really are just five. 

Those subcategories can be put into the big five. So feuds  you ready? Here we go. So the F is fear.  The E is excuses.  The U is unaccountability.  The D is denial. And the S is shut down or shut out. And if you think about it, that's kind of where we are with that stage one. You know, when you're in strictly survival mode,  that's where you're at.

That's what's happening.  Your, your fear of leaving. Your fear of staying,  and I think we talked about this a little bit on some of the previous, um, episodes and your excuses. You make, you make,  I made excuses for my husband's my now ex husband's actions. Um, you know, he had a bad day. Um, it's not his fault, you know, his upbringing, his childhood, his traumas that he went through.

You know what guys that's all bullshit. At some point  we have to take, which is the you unaccountability. So we have to take accountability for ourselves. And like I said, we're going to really delve into this in the next three weeks. Um,  All those O's what those letters really look like, but I'm just kind of giving you a general overview.

Um, so we have fear excuses. Unaccountability denial, you know, we, we go through that denial that, oh, this isn't happening. This isn't abuse. How many times did your friends come to you and say, I think you're being abused or that you thought yourself.  I think of being abused. Um, that's, that's denial, you know?

Oh, that's not, you know, he loves me. He said he was sorry.  Let's see. What were some of the excuses I got? Although I never heard the words, I'm sorry.  It was, um, I'll never do it again. Which is a big, bold faced lie. We know that. Um, what else? Um, I got a lot of the, um, I made you dinner tonight.  I ran a hot bath for you. 

Those were his ways of saying, I'm sorry, but we, we all know that's bullshit. That's the, let me appease you and calm you down so you don't do anything stupid like leave me.  Um, that's the control. The, I like to equate it to, um, that carrot on the stick.  And I think I've said that before too, that, that they dangle that carrot in front of you.

Um, they'll let you have it, they'll let you nibble on it, and then they'll yank it away from.  The S is  that final emotion feeling that you go through that you shut down, you shut out, you're done. For me, I turned to drinking and drugs. Um, I was done. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know who to turn to.  I didn't know who to talk to.

Um. Back in 2000, this started in 2012 till 2018. I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't know who,  you know, who was going to help me. My kids, they didn't know what was happening. Um, yeah, it's my blankie. I got my blankie on to cover my legs and my toes to keep me warm. Um, so yeah, stage. One is feuds,  constantly fighting or constantly having arguments and arguments you don't start.

Um, my father was famous for part of his verbal abuse and, and psychological abuse. And that's where the narcissism comes in, um,  was famous for asking me my opinion on something and then criticizing me because I had a different opinion than his.  So I learned  unfortunately later that my father was a narcissist and I just learned and, and adjusted for it and compensated for it by saying, well, I don't know what's your thoughts or something along those lines. 

Uh, but that's, that's stage 1 feuds. Okay. We've got the fear of, of leaving, staying what's going to happen. Not, not only the fear of, um.  What happens if I leave, but what is he going to do if I leave? I mean, all those fears, that one big bubble of fear and that, that's keeps you stopped and dead in your tracks. 

Um, okay. So that's fear excuses. We make, we make excuses for everything possible. Do you on accountability? We are.  And this one's going to hurt  because we need to also take accountability for ourselves and for  our actions and our reactions. And I know that's really hard. If you're going through, if you're in stage one right now,  my, my heart goes out to you because I know because you are just.

Trying to survive day by day just to get through the day and it's hard. I get it.  I was there. I say that we don't walk on eggshells. We walk on broken glass shards of glass and trying not to get cut by those shards of glass  and those shards of glass being his reaction, his words, his comments.  The way he does things, the way he approaches us, the way he  talks to other people about us in front of us, behind our backs, I mean, every, I, I get it, but believe me, I lived those almost seven years with a full blown psychotic narcissist.

Okay, a psychotic, abusive narcissist, or a narcissistic, psychotic abuser. I'm not sure which way to, but he had all three of those traits. He was like at the top of  that food chain, that top of that pyramid. He was it  because I had everything with him. I had. All the abuse, all the verbal abuse, all the mental abuse, all the psychological abuse, the sexual abuse, and of course, the physical.

Okay. You know, that scar right there didn't just happen by accident when I was a kid. Okay. That, that was, you know, getting my head slammed into a concrete countertop. And I think this was nine stitches, nine or 11 stitches that ended up going in the there, you know, and I made an excuse.  As to how it happened.

Um, I don't even remember. I think I said, I slipped that we were drunk, something along those lines.  Um,  when he broke my wrist with and beat me with a rubber mallet, I made the excuse to everybody, friends, family, coworkers, that I slipped in the river and my hand caught on a rock that was full of moss and,  um, slippery and down.

I went and it just clean break. But that's not how it happened. I thought that was, and I, I'm accountable for that. I, I, I'm responsible for taking that lie and, and spreading it. Now, of course, I speak my truth. I tell everybody exactly what happened. I have got nothing to hide.  Not, not to shame him because I don't know if I, I mean, it's pretty easy.

I've said this before. It's pretty easy to find out who he was,  um, and where he is currently. Um, but I don't do any of this to harm him or shame him. Okay. I've, I've gone through all those emotions and in my sassy academy, we go through, um, it's one of the steps we do what I call a moral inventory. Um, uh, there are a couple other coaches out there to call it something else, but basically it's the same thing.

I take responsibility and accountability for the things I let go. For the things that I could have changed and didn't for the things I could have said and didn't for the things, you know, all those things that we blame ourselves for. Um, I take full ownership of that full ownership and  of course, the denial there was, there was  many days where I denied that it was abuse that I denied that I was being abused that I denied that. 

Let's get into the little nuances a little bit that I denied that I'm, I'm,  I believed in my heart because of what I was told that I was unlovable. Okay. And I denied myself so many experiences, so many, um, you know, places to go, friends to be with, to hang out with, because I believed that I was  not lovable, that I was not. 

Worthy of  friendship, love relationships, um, for a very long time. So  I, I, there was a lot of, I denied myself even just some of the simple things in life. Okay. Um, eating as much as I wanted to. Okay. Till I was full. That was, that was a big one. Okay. Because I was told that you're fat, you're ugly.  You know, all those things that we are criticized for, you know, I, I actually had on this side of my head, I had a beauty mark.

It was a small little mole that I was born with. It was part of who I am now. Call it a beauty mark, call it a mole, call it whatever you'd like. There's probably pictures out there somewhere that I have it. Um, but because of the.  Constant  telling me that I would look so much better without it. I would be so much prettier without it.

I would be more beautiful without it. That I eventually gave in and had the surgery to have it removed.  I take ownership of that. I did not have enough.  SASSI  within me at that time to say, you know what? No, this is mine. I own that. I not just the, you know, that it's not there anymore, but the fact that, um, I let him take that.

I was born with it. That's part of my body. It's part of who I am. Um, it's, It's something that I should not have had to change about me to satisfy his ego. And that's a big part of that abuse, that psychological abuse that we go through.  And of course, you know, eventually I shut down. I shut out, I, I, I shut everything off every emotion possible.

I didn't communicate with anyone anymore. I didn't talk to anybody anymore. I lost my relationship for a very long time with family, my children, my friends. Um, I would make excuses as to why they couldn't come over or why I couldn't go out with them. Um, you know, everything possible.  Um,  so that's stage one.

It's called feuds. Okay. Stage two. Okay. Stage two is limbo. L I M B O and that stands for loss or grief. I individuality. M is me. B is better. And O is other or over. So  what happens is when you come out and we'll, like I said, next week, we'll really get into the whole stage one so much more. Um, I, I have some, some, uh, examples from women that I've talked to on,  Where they're at with stage 1 still in it.

Okay, several women that I've talked to this past week or so are still in stage 1.  Um, they're trying to get to stage 2, but they are in full blown stage 1  stage 2 limbo. So, loss or grief individuality. Me better and other so basically what that is is  You have left stage one you're out of that abusive relationship.

Whatever form that abuse takes it's not always Physical  so you've out of that relationship You're you're you're on your own. You're trying to make it you're trying to get through and you You're in limbo. Okay. You're, you're trying to decide, okay, where do I go from here? What am I supposed to do now? Am I healed?

Am I not healed? And I still, that carrot is still, if you're going through divorce and going through the court system, that carrot is still being dangled in front of you. You still question, do I go back to this person because of that?  You're dealing with a loss. Okay. And it's not the, I mean, it is sort of a quote unquote death because that relationship is no longer.

Okay. It's, it's dead and gone  and you're dealing with all those stages of grief. Um, and I don't remember what they are right off the top of my head, but I'll have all that when in 2 weeks, when we go over all those stages of grief and I may have, I just thought of something. I may have somebody that isn't. 

She may be able to come on and give us a little bit more insight into grief.  And those, those seven stages, I think it's five or seven stages. Um, but yeah, I mean, remember, you know, we, we, we loved this person. We may still love this person, even though, you know, they are,  I don't want to call names because that's a form of abuse.

Okay. But they can are a piece of shit. All right. Um, but we did, at some point we did fall in love with this person and we. Do or did love this person.  So all of a sudden now that person is still living and they're still part of our life. If we have children or going through a divorce, um, there's, we still have to interact with them at some point.

They're still the same person they were in that relationship.  They haven't changed. They haven't tried to change. They still think that you are the problem, that I am the problem.  Now, we know when we're in stage two, that maybe we're not completely the problem. Yeah, we have some flaws, but maybe we're supposed to, and we'll, we'll get into that.

So there's, there's a grief.  Period that we go through, 

excuse me. So the I individuality, now we're starting to, in stage two, we are starting to  realize and come to grips with who the fuck am I,  what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here? And I don't mean the, um. You know, holding down a job, taking care of the kids, you know, you get up at, you know, you get up in the morning, you brush your teeth, you go to work, you do your thing, you come home, you clean the house, you straighten up, you get the kids dinner, you have your dinner, and then off the bed you go.

Okay, not that type of individuality. I'm talking about where.  Now you're really starting to feel your SASSI. You're starting to have your SASSI fanned a little bit. Okay. There's a higher power, whatever you want to call it,  your spirit guides, your team, there's a higher power that is starting to fan your SASSI and say,  okay.

Come on, Christine. It's coming. They're probably throwing, you know, angel numbers and signs at you left and right to help you figure it out.  We're just not listening. Okay. We're not ready to listen. Okay.  They're fanning your SASSI. That little Kindle of SASSI-ness is starting to get a little bigger and little bigger, and it's starting to fan out and you're starting to feel it.

And you're starting to say, Hmm.  Am I supposed to do something with all this that I've learned? Am I supposed to help another woman or another man? Um, with what I've gone through and. And, and, and make the world a better place. Is that what I'm supposed to do? You starting to question everything. You're starting to question your individuality.

Who am I? Who am I really? Who was I before the relationship? It, am I the same person before the relationship that I am after the relationship?  You're not,  you've changed quite a bit. You've learned quite a bit. You just don't know it yet. So that's that's the loss for L limbo. Remember L I MBO loss individuality and now the M you're starting to go. 

I need to take care of me. What about me? What about my needs? Those basic needs. Okay. And it's not just food, clothing, shelter. We know that,  um, you start to say, you know what, it's okay  for me. We've changed it over these last few years. We've changed it from being selfish. And we were told that we were selfish for wanting to.

To have a little bit of me time or whatever that is to self love. Okay. And I'm just going to move my screen. Um,  my tablecloth. Oh, come on guys.  So we've changed it from being selfish. To self love,  and now in stage two, we,  we want to  have that self care and that self love,  but there's still some of that residual and especially if we're still dealing with him, that we're not worthy of it.

We're not capable of it. We're not  deserving. Of it.  And that's where stage two is where my coaching comes in and especially the sassy academy because we really touch on all of this. So that's the M me. We start to say and it's okay. It's okay. Please let me reiterate loud and proud. It is okay to get  you me taken care of.

And healed. It's okay to, um,  to have that self love and to have that self care. In fact, it's required  to be able to get to stage three. We have to be able to go, you know what? I'm allowed to take a little bit of time to myself. I'm allowed to have this piece of chocolate. I don't know my hips are big, but you know what?

I'm allowed to just because. I'm allowed to buy this sweater, dress, shoe, purse, earrings, whatever it may be, because I'm not denying myself anymore.  That's the M. The B is better, okay? This is where we,  we now  Become a better person. We become better at who we are, um, recognizing who we are recognizing.

There's a lot of things that happen in stage 2. there's a lot of things that you're going to go through in stage 2. Um, but we work on being a better person, um, because it's not that we're  flawed as humans. We're not we're we're made depending on what religion we are made in God's eyes Okay, and we're perfect just the way we are  and that took me a long time to heal from okay because of all the childhood trauma that that I grew up with and told that I was always fat and that I was always ugly and I was the big kid and Um, you know, I had, I developed, um, very early because of my heritage.

I can't help it. I'm come from Polish and Hungarian genes. I can't help it. We got big hips and big boobs. Why can't I tell you?  But I was criticized and ridiculed for it as a kid.  You know what that does to your psyche?  A lot, a lot.  So it's okay to start thinking about me and becoming better. And in that, in that word, better, what I mean is more aware, more awake, more. 

With your eyes open that maybe I wasn't so bad. Maybe I'm okay. Just the way I am.  And that's, that's the, the beat better. And then other is, is  how do I explain it? I mean, I had to use the word limbo because, um, you're kind of stuck. Okay. You, you kinda, you got one foot in stage two, but you got a little toe back there on stage one.

Um, and like I said, we're going to, Delve  deep into all of these is this is just the, the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. So  always other that you start to look at other people, other things, other ways of, um, maybe addressing some of the things that you want to change about yourself. Now I'm five foot.

Okay. I can never change that. I could put heels on. Okay. And gain a little bit of height, but that's a temporary fix.  But I can,  I can be okay with that. I can look at other ways of accentuating my  cute tininess. Okay.  I'm okay with the fact that I'm five foot. Okay. That'll never change. I will always be five foot.

I may shrink a little bit with old age. I hope not, although I'm, I'm going to be 59 this year, but we're going to start shrinking. I would think some, you know, within the next few, few years, but,  but other is, is it's a really big, um, group. Okay. It's not just  me. It's, it's other.  Other people. Okay. And now how do we interact with them?

It's other relationships. If we're ready to get into another relationship, um, and we're going to go through all that, you know, with the  relationships and are you really ready for another relationship? Um, so, okay. So just a recap stage one feuds. Okay. Fear.  Excuses, unaccountability, denial and shut down or shut out stage 2 limbo loss or grief individuality me  better and other that's stage 1 stage 2 limbo stage 1 is feuds stage 2 is limbo and stage 3 is  I know where I'm at.

Okay. It's called UFWA Un Fuck With Able.  That's where I set my boundaries and I set my standards and I do not move them unless I choose to move them. I am in my total sassiness. And we talked about, I had the episode, you know, all capital S A S S I versus. Lowercase s a s s i. Okay, but I'm always in my SASSI.

That means that that essence in me is  this it's  full  blown Phoenix rose out of the  ashes. I'm no longer that person that I was. I have changed. Physically, I have changed mentally. I have changed psychologically. I have changed emotionally. I have changed everything about me for the better.  Okay. And not just for me, I do it for you.

I do it for that next woman. Okay. I am, I am un fuck with a ball. Absolutely.  And general. Okay. And let me clarify that because not every day is perfect. We don't have perfect days.  I had my coach and my very dear friend, Tom asked me one time, am I healed? And I said, no. And he said, oh.  Why not? So my belief is, and this is just my belief. 

I believe that I will never be fully healed from everything that has happened to me for 48 years. Okay.  But what I do have.  Is the  greatness of  continuing to heal and continuing to learn.  And that's what I do. Every woman that I speak with every, every woman that I coach, the men that I'm now talking to, cause I'm trying to, to get to them as well so that we can change the world.

Okay. Listen to last week's episode on my whole why and where I want to go with all this.  

I want  to be able to.  Yeah, I guess heal the world. Okay,  but do I think I will ever be fully healed? No, because I continue to learn as I said, I continue to learn from every man and woman that I speak with. Okay, all the coaches that I talked to all the, the women that I speak with all the women that, that, you know, before they come on as a guest, I do a pre interview and we have a conversation and I want to find out.

I want to find out what stage are they in? Okay. How can their information help you? How can their story help you? And in speaking with them, I learned so much more about me, about improving the SASSI Academy, about bringing information. To hear, okay, putting it in my newsletter, um, that, you know, I had to think my, I think this month's January's newsletter.

And if you're not, if you don't get the newsletter, dang, you know, get on the mailing list, send me an email, Christine at sassi coach. com. Uh, but get on the newsletter because one of the things that I put in there is a tip of the month, you know, something that will help you. how to get through whatever you're going through in January.

The tip of the month was,  it's going to sound really crazy. But when I go through it, cause I'm still human. Okay. I'm not a spirit, fully spirited person yet. I'm still human. I still have emotions. There's still the three parts of the brain that, you know, are, are.  Battling to take. Priority and supremacy.  You know, the ego is still there.

 But when I have  moments, and it's not days, we don't let  a moment ruin our whole day anymore. But when I have moments where I get frustrated, or I want to say something that I know I'm not supposed to, or it's none of my business. Keep your mouth shut, Christine.  So my friend Tom said, Well, do you have any singing bowls or a bell?

So I don't. And I think that would be kind of funny in my situation if I was, you know, ringing this bell all the time, or I would love singing bows. I would absolutely love some singing bowls. Um, but it's not always convenient because of taking care of the grandkids. So if I have those moments throughout the day, in my head, I go ding.

I just say ding, okay, what he taught me because he's an absolutely wonderful, mindful coach.  And a very, very, very dear friend. What he taught me was to stop that thought. Now, as a woman of abuse,  um, and, and me in particular, my personality and everything that I've gone through, it has turned me into an over thinker.

I will over analyze everything. You cannot lie to me, plain and simple. Okay? Because you cannot tell me that the, the sky is green and the grass is blue because I am a wolf. I will,  I will work that horse to death to tell you, okay, yes, you are correct. Or no. And here's the proof that you're not correct.  I am an overthinker.

I'm an analyst. I, I overanalyze everything. You cannot lie to me, but you cannot tell me something.  Excuse me. Let me get a sip of my tea. 

You cannot tell me something because I will.  Overthink it and overly analyze it till I know for sure that that is the not my truth. Not your truth, but  God's truth or sources, truth, or my higher powers truth.  So  it's so easy. I find myself. And there were times a few weeks ago that  in my head, I'm going, and this is funny and I will share it.

Okay. That I'm going ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Okay. To stop that thought  to  stop me in my tracks,  be present in the moment. And go, okay, why, why is this thought happening? Why is this thought occurring? Why is it that I think I should control this narrative or this situation?  And the simple act of just going thing  stops it dead in its tracks.

It is a beautiful technique. And I wanted to share that with you again. I put it in my newsletter. If you're not, uh, on the subscriber of the newsletter, which is free, Christine at sassi coach. com, send me an email and I will make sure that you get the past copy, two copies. Now I did one for December, one for January, and you'll continue to get every month.

I send out a newsletter. There's a lot of information in there. Let's, you know, everything that's happening in case I miss something here on the podcast. Um,  but it's great for those. 

Excuse me, those moments if you're still in an abusive situation where let's just say it's verbal abuse. Okay, and He's just berating you or making you feel, you know, it's a narcissistic type  atmosphere and He's trying to make you feel  Minimal,  um, to suppress  your thoughts and your feelings that you are not allowed to have those, or that you are lesser of a person for having them.

And how dare you disagree with him?  So how wonderful is it to just  go in your head? Ding, ding, ding,  excuse me. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I, there was one point that I actually. I  had this thought go through my head because of a situation that I couldn't control anyway. And it's not my situation to control.

And I, in my head, I'm going ding, ding, ding goes a trolley, ding, ding, ding goes a bell. I have no idea what song that is. I know I heard it somewhere in my life. Okay. Couldn't tell you where it came from, but it was a lifesaver. It immediately, I actually, as I'm, you know, humming this and seeing this in my head, there's a smile on my face.

And you can't be sad and unhappy if there's a smile on your face. Okay, so you're in a situation. I spoke to a woman today for a pre interview to come on here and she was telling me how her husband insisted, insisted to be  for her to be available to him at least three times a week to have sex. Now I've been there.

I know what that's like. Okay. When that happened  to me, I went to my happy place. Okay. And my happy place was in the woods, frolicking with all the animals and the birds. It was a,  it's a really bad analogy, but it was a snow white moment. Okay. That's what makes me happy to be out in nature and be with all the animals  because they love unconditionally, I guess.

There's a whole lot of reason. But, so.  How wonderful is it instead of a happy place if you have to be forced into that situation and let me clarify, okay. If you don't want it, it's considered rape and it needs to stop.  And if you need help on that, please reach out to me. If you're being told that you have to have sex with your husband so many times a week at certain times of the day, that is rape and it's unacceptable.

And that  That shit has to stop  plain and simple. It is not right. It is your choice, your body, you decide  when and if you want sex. And if it's just sex,  well, you know, and, and not lovemaking, well, then maybe that's for a different, different efforts episode, because there is a difference between the two.

Okay. If I wanted a fuck buddy, fine. Then I wouldn't be married to him. Right.  Because I went through the same thing. And, and I thought. Because again, here's that training and that brainwashing from my mother and my grandmother and my great grandmother that you do whatever your husband says you do. That shit's got to stop too.

Okay. We don't have to do that anymore,  but I've been there and I didn't know any better until I was out of that relationship. And now I can tell you and, and teach you  that. That's not right. It's not, that's not a husband wife relationship. There are plenty of relationship coaches out there that will tell you that is not right.

That is not what we do.  But if you're in that situation and you have to go to, you know, either go to your happy place or  ding, ding, ding. If you, you know, let's be honest. Okay. He's only going to last two, three minutes.  Quickest two, three minutes of my life.  Okay. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding goes the trolley.

Ding, ding, ding goes the train, you know, and I'm in my happy place.  Okay, you done? Get the fuck off me. Let's, you know, we're done.  And unfortunately, if that,  if you're listening and you don't realize that that kind of shit goes on behind closed doors, I hope it just opened your eyes. Because that shit goes on behind closed doors.

And that kind of shit really gets me.  Well, I think you could tell I'm a little stoked about that one.  Cause it's not right. It's just not right. Now my coach would tell me, he would ask me,  Is it ethical or moral?  I would tell them that's both, plain and simple. And that shit came from our mothers and our grandmothers that we're supposed to be My father even did this when I was growing up.

Home, barefoot, pregnant, cooking dinner, cleaning. Oh yeah, and by the way, you do need to get a job because you need to help support the family.  How are you supposed to do all that as a woman?  Anyway, three stages of abuse. That's what we're talking about. So anyway, if you need, you know, that tip for January was just ring you, go to your happy place, ring the bell.

you know, and it doesn't have to be just sexual. Okay. It could be if he's yelling at you. Okay, just in your head. If you're lucky enough to have a bell, I mean, and how awesome would that be? How, how awesome would that be? That you just kind of have a bell in your pocket all the time. And when he starts his bullshit, you bring it out and you go, what's he going to say?

What the hell is that for? You know, well, it's just, you know, I I'm breaking up my thoughts. I just need to interrupt thoughts. Are you okay? Can I interrupt your thoughts for a moment? Will it work? Will it not work?  Every situation is different, but at least if you can say it in your head, you're disrupting your thoughts.

You can then think a little clearer, a little better and say, okay, what will work in this situation? Or in the meantime, you know, reach out to me and say, Hey, Christine, this is what I'm dealing with. This is what I'm going through. I did the ding in my head. Um. You know, this, this is tell me, tell me your situation.

I will help you work through it. Okay. Because every, as much as our stories are very much similar, they are different. There are little nuances that are different and I can, I can give you techniques and strategies and tools to help the overall situation, but your. Your living conditions and your situation and your abuse is yours and it's different and as much as we share a lot of Similarities yours is different.

It is unique and I want to help you Heal from that as much as possible.  So that's on fuck with a ball Okay, we we get to a point where like I said, I set my boundaries and I don't move them Okay, a year ago on Tik Tok and every other social media, it was set your boundaries, set your boundaries. Well, that's all well and fine, except everybody was moving those lines of boundaries. 

Sassy women do not move their lines. Okay, when we reach stage three and we've come into our full sassiness, we do not adjust our boundaries. We know our standards. We know our worth. We know our value. And we say, you know what?  No matter what the situation, it could be another relationship coming in. It could be a coworker, it could be family members.

You know, we, we set our boundaries and we keep them. We, we,  we either deal with or we don't. Okay, we move on. We say, okay, you know what? That's your choice to have that line of thinking. Those thoughts have added, but you're not sitting at my table.  That goes for, you know, whether, like I said, whether it's a romantic relationship or friendships, I am very choosy on who my friends are.

I am very. Cautious of who I tell my life about too.  I am very particular on who  knows me. On who has the opportunity to get to know the true Christine. The real Christine. The sassy Christine. The one that stands up and speaks  loud. And ruffles feathers and blows minds. Okay, that's what I do.  But I am. I am choosy.

I am. My boundaries are set. I am in my full sassiness. I remember sassy, strong, assertive, smart, sexy and independent. Okay. And independent does not mean I know we touched on this a little bit,  probably a lot in that episode. Independent does not mean living on your own. Okay. There's a difference between being independent and asking for help and living on your own.

Okay. And doing things yourself, that's not true independence. I mean,  that's I guess for another time.  So I'm cold. Let's see. How long have we been recording? I don't even know. So what I say when we started 12th, third, Oh, look at that. It's all just about an hour. All right. So you guys know the deal. Three stages of abuse.

We're going to get into all three each for the next three weeks. We're going to delve really deep.  That's it in a nutshell. Stage 1 is feuds. Stage 2 is limbo. Stage 3 is unfuckwithable. Oof wah. Okay. That's it. Um,  you know the routine. Thank you very much. Thank you. You know, follow, subscribe, review. All that means a lot to me guys.

It really does. It helps me continue to put out really good content and information for you. Um, like I said, next three weeks is we'll go into stage one, really in depth. Then we'll go into stage two the following week and then stage three. And that should take us through the rest of January. Um,  subscribe newsletter.

Um, the private group where you get all the content, um, all the, the, the lives that I do in there. Um, all the,  all the extras. Okay. Um, cause, you know, I gotta keep the electric on too. I got to get something for my feet to get warm. Um, I'm kind of bundled up. I got a hoodie course. I got my sweater on underneath my hoodie, my scarf.

Do you like my scarf? Isn't it pretty? I hope you can see it. It is beautiful purple shades. My daughter actually crocheted this and gave it to me last year for Christmas. I absolutely love it. Um, but my toes are cold. My fingers are cold. Um, but you know how it is when I get into this, I don't even think about it. 

I guess that's it. So I am your host sassy, Christine coach, speaker, author, um, friend. I hope I love you guys share, share, share, send it out to that next woman, subscribe to the newsletter and then. Send it on to your friends and your list because we just never know who's out there suffering. We really don't remember how you suffered.

Remember how you went through or you're, if you're still in it, you didn't tell anybody you kept that shit to yourself. Well, this is the way of saying,  Hey, I found this girl. I found this woman. She talks about this, but she's got this, she's got these tools techniques. She's got, here's her Facebook. Let her decide. 

If and when, listen, I know I'm not everybody's cup of tea.  I knew I am not everybody's cup of tea and there are, and if I'm not, that's okay because I have an arsenal of coaches that I work with and I talk to and I deal with that. I'll find you a coach. Okay. If it's not me, I will find you a coach. So, but you don't know till you get it out there.

So share, share, share, um, and then subscribe, you know, buy me a coffee is, is, you know, three, five or 10. I think it is, um, subscribe to the podcast. That's like, um, a monthly subscription starts at 3 a month. Um, Listen, if you can pay for Netflix, you can play pay for doing the subscription. Um, the Facebook private group is, um, starting out at a dollar 99.

Start there. That's all you can do is two bucks a month. I am grateful for everything. I am grateful for everything. I am grateful for this opportunity. I am grateful to share my knowledge with you. I can't keep it. It's a gift.  I have lots of gifts. Um, and I want to share them with you. I want to help heal this planet.

And it starts with.  And then you tell two friends and they tell two friends and they tell two friends. All right. So if you follow me, you should get that.  Cause we did that in a previous episode. All right. Three stages of abuse. Share, share, share. I love you guys. Let me get my gloves off so I can end this correctly.

Um,  I guess that's about it. I think I touched on everything. Thank you very much. Stay warm wherever you are. Stay healthy. Stay mindful.  Keep the peace Reach out reach out Christine at sassi coach dot com, that is the easiest way Check out all the links. There's a ton of links They're probably too many but I I'm all for  you can't have too much knowledge.

You can't have too much information So I put it out there  find what works for you and till next week  Stay SASSI.  Bye guys. Love you guys.